The Guy I Maybe Went on a Date With?

Do you ever go out on those dates and you leave and wonder, was that really a date? Like you thought it was a date, leading up to it, it felt like a date. The awkwardness during it definitely felt like a date, but then at the end, it no longer actually feels like a date. It’s a strange feeling, and this is my experience with my possible date and MJ.

I met MJ at a bar, so you know, he was probably Prince Charming. I had randomly decided to go out with one of my friends and her friends from grad school. So I knew no one, except for my friend. MJ was kind of in the same position, he didn’t really know anyone so we naturally started talking to each other. Then the shots started and next thing I know, we were exchanging phone numbers. My friend and I left shortly after this, because bars can get annoying past a certain point when they decide to randomly convert into a dance club and you were not in the mood or prepared for that.

Much to my surprise though, MJ started texting me that very night. He seemed pretty eager to make plans, and I was all about just rolling with whatever happened. Nothing was set in stone and I really didn’t put much thought into the situation. Which was helpful when a couple weeks went by and I never heard from him. 

The Time I Became a Horrible Person

Following the breakup with DL, I was in a strange place. I had the sense to know I did not want to be with DL at all, but I loved the attention he was willing to still give me. The story is one that really paints me in the worst light possible, and for valid reasons, I spent time and energy being a truly horrible person during the time of this story. It’s not easy to actually write about situations in which you know you were wrong and made terrible decisions, and its even worse when you fully knew the decisions you were making and knew the effect they were going to have on others. But, still, I feel that this is something that a great deal of people can relate to on some level. It may be that you have found yourself in the same situation, or have just been intrigued by the idea. I want to clarify, this story is not comprised of unforgivable horrible things. However, the decisions I made did have an impact on others and in some cases caused some feelings to get hurt. For that I truly feel terrible. Now I am starting to think I am building this up too much, so before that go on anymore, let’s jump right in…

So I broke up with DL. As stated in my last post, I know it was the right ting to do. It really was. And that is where everything should have ended. Obviously, it was not where things ended. He wanted to try the friend thing, and I honestly really loved the fact that he didn’t want me out of his life. It’s that feeling you get when someone wants to pay attention to you and actually puts in an effort to do so. We kept texting on a pretty regular basis, and we even talked on the phone from time to time. Eventually, we were back to hanging out from time to time. Not as a normal thing, but we caught a movie or two together. Eventually we got to the point where it was kind of understood that dating would happen. Which, to be honest, I was already putting myself on the market for. However, he was still telling me that he wanted to be with me and was willing to kind of just wait until I was ready to maybe date him again. But still, I told him, no you should move on if you want to.

So when I saw him pop up on Tinder…I wasn’t surprised, or upset, or anything like that. I did mull over the decision of which way to swipe for a bit. I mean really, what is the protocol with an ex that you are friendly with?! Are you supposed to swipe right or left?! I still do not know the answer to this, but I swiped right…and it was a match! Because, of course it was. Up to this point it was no secret to me that if I said said I wanted to get back together with him, he would have showed up at my front door with a bottle of champagne to celebrate. It still didn’t change anything, I was not interested in dating him again, but being friendly, that was fine. We even talked about the fact that we matched up on Tinder and he claims that when my picture popped up he swiped right by accident. For all I know, that could be entirely true, it really could be. Not that I necessarily believe it, but that isn’t the point. We easily moved on from the Tinder incident and continued talking.

The Guy I Dated for all the Wrong Reasons

Sometimes after you date someone, or have recently found yourself on the outside of a situation that was very significant, you need to find someone who is the exact opposite to that person in every way possible. It’s that feeling of “well it didn’t work out this way, maybe something so drastically different will give me what I’m looking for”. This feeling and mindset is why DL ended up in my life.

DL was completely different than pretty much everyone else I have ever dated, he had a great deal of visible tattoos (so not my visual thing), his age range matched up at 27, but he still lived with family with plans to move to a different family member’s home, he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, was just kind of starting out with the idea of college, and he worked in a pizza place. I want to be clear that he is in no way a bad guy for any of these reasons, but it also needs to be understood that I am a pretty driven and ambitious person, I am extremely independent, and I look for those same qualities in a partner. I am a person who is very sure of herself, and I make no apologies for that. In a partner I need someone who is equally confident and sure of themselves and can share my drive and ambition in life, not just share mine, but allow me to share in theirs as well. That being said, time to jump into the DL story.

The Guy Who Should Have Only Heard No

By all normal standards, meeting DS should have been pretty successful. Leading up to our meeting, I was still in college, and living with 5 of my best friends. One in particular was dating a guy who lived down in Ann Arbor (from this point on will be referred to as AA, because of local knowledge and easier typing). Both my friend and her boyfriend knew I was finally in a place to meet someone new. I was in my last semester in college, my internship was pretty underway and I was in a good place. Which is when my friend came home from a weekend in AA and told me that her boyfriend and I have found the perfect guy for me. One of her boyfriends very good friends, DS. Her and her boyfriend were in agreement that we had the potential of being perfect for each other, so of course I agreed to meet him.

A little bit of time went by, maybe a couple weeks, before I really heard about DS again. Until one weekend in the very late fall when I got a text message from a random number while I was getting ready with the rest of my roommates for a party. This text message from him was quickly followed up by a phone, which in this age of texting and facebook messaging and twitter, was a HUGE positive. The fact that he was actually calling me, someone he had never met before seemed so promising. We ended up making plans for the next weekend, he was supposed to drive up to where I lived and, in an idea of his own fashion, take me line dancing. Granted this was not something I was entirely into. I am not a fan of country music, or of the unique dancing styles that go with it. But I was still excited, I mean this was the guy that 2 people have agreed may be the perfect match for me. So I agreed to this date.

The Worst Second Date I Ever Had

The way my worst first date ever ended, I am sure that any sane person would ask me, why in the world would there be a second date with that person? The simple answer, one night I was bored and lonely and thought, what the hell, I have nothing else going on. There was also a part of me that thought well maybe things won’t be so bad the second time around, maybe even ok. Based on the way all of my stories seem to end, I was wrong in thinking anything would be different.

One night while sitting at home I received a text message from the worst first date. It was one of those “I’m checking up to see how you are and see if I still have any shot”, it said “hey”. Which anyone well versed in texting knows that the three little letters that compose the word “hey” can really be saying so so much more. Either way, I played into the conversation and replied. We had soon agreed to plans for that evening, again, because I was bored and lonely.

Our plans were to meet for a drink and then go see a movie. I arrived to the bar on time, and he was late. See pet peeve in post #1 about this wonderful person! I ended up sitting at the bar and ordering myself a drink while waiting for him. He finally shows up and then announces that he doesn’t drink much because he has a hard time stopping at just one.

The WORST First Date I Ever Had

After college I ventured into the world of online dating. When I graduated, like a good amount of graduates, I moved back to my hometown and was graciously welcomed back into my parents home. Upon doing so, I came to the realization that I REALLY did not stay in touch with many people from high school. I suddenly found myself, for the first time in 5 years, not living with or within 5 minutes of my best friends. I realized that I pretty much had no one to go out with and do things at the time, which was going to make meeting new people pretty hard.

When I first moved back home I was working about 45 minutes away from home, and not really working in an environment that I could meet a ton of people, especially not good for meeting anyone I wanted to date. Needless to say, this felt like the right time to give online dating a try for the first time. So I promptly signed up for a site that was free and boasted about being a great site for young singles. Spoiler, it was OkCupid. The first day on the site, I felt overwhelmed with messages. The horror stories you hear about the messages people receive on there are definitely have some validity. Some people are just very…bold, for lack of a better more appropriate word.

Eventually I got a message from someone that actually seemed worthwhile. He was a little younger than me, which is definitely not something I usually even consider. For the most part, I date men that are older than me, it’s just kind of my thing. So he was a bit younger, but he was a police officer, so that seemed pretty steady. He was able to express himself in conversation, with actual words. Big deal on OkCupid I quickly learned. I got a a lot of messages that read along the lines of “hey. how r u?”. PEOPLE, THIS IS NOT HOW THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS MEANT TO BE EXPRESSED. Small rant over, moving on.

This guy seemed like someone who could be good. We exchanged numbers and moved things to the next step in modern day courting, texting! After a couple days of texting, we made plans for our first date. Which is where things began to go downhill.

When I Met a PA Boy in FL

This story starts towards the end of a rather interesting Spring Break trip to Florida. A small group of friends and I decided to escape the hell that is Michigan in winter and head down to Florida for a week. We spent 20 hours driving and we were ready to let loose.

The first night we made friends with police officers who went to the bar with us the next night. I convinced people I was a famous socialite, seriously some guy thought I was on TV or something, it was great and odd at the same time. We had a fan club in our condo complex that we ended up running into pretty much every night. And we perfected the tanning/day drinking mix.

As the week went on we began to explore the condo complex and visit the different pools. This was when 2 of the girls in the group came back to the room to say “We met this tennis team from Pennsylvania and they are coming over later tonight to go out with us”.

When I Decided to be Consciously Single

After the whole JF fiasco, I spent some much needed time single. However that did not mean I was learning to enjoy being single. I found myself in a position where I thought all I wanted and needed was to be in a relationship. It seemed that I had spent enough time alone to be ready to be in a relationship again and I knew that I was in the mindset where I wasn’t 100% hung up on WK anymore. I had spent time going out and meeting new guys. I had kissed new people and spent some..quality time…with some of them. I felt ready.

By this point I had turned 21 and was legally enjoying nights at some local bars. This also happened to be the first summer I didn’t go home to my parents house and stayed in my college town. A very good decision on my part, by the way. Towards the end of the summer I had missed the chance of a “summer fling”, but still was on the prowl for a new boyfriend. As I asserted myself as a regular of my favorite downtown bar, it would only make sense that I met a new dating prospect there. After all, when you turn 21 and live in a college town, the bar tends to be YOUR SCENE. Enter MS, my new dating prospect. He was older, an automatic plus, because, maturity. He was also attractive in an unassuming way. You know, the kind of guy that is good looking, but you may not realize it at first. MS was also an incredibly nice guy, and he was eager to spend time with me.

On our first “date” (using date loosely here, because it could be considered more of a hang out), he came over to the house I was living in at the time to watch a movie. Typical college “date”. It ended up actually being a nice time together. We chatted during the appropriate boring parts of the movie that no one misses, and while the movie was on it was very comfortable to sit and watch together. The awkward first time hanging out feeling didn’t really appeal here, which was great, who wouldn’t be excited about that. And this is where the fairy tale portion of this story ends, because this was the only time we hung out with each other sober. 

The One Who Became the “Kill Bill” Guy

After any relationship ends, you reach that point where you finally feel ready to move on. Following WK, I did reach that point, believe it or not. It also helped to move out of the last apartment that I had memories of him in. My lease was up in that apartment and along with roommate, we were moving into a townhouse with 2 other roommates. This worked out great because I was in a need of a new wing woman. More specifically, I was in need of a wing woman who was also single and also wanted to meet new guys.

Blondie was the exact wing woman I needed. She had also been living with a roommate who was in a pretty serious relationship and we were both ready to have single friends again. Not that there is anything wrong with friends in relationships, but it feels completely different to have friends who are also single and just get it. Blondie and I became friends fast, and together we had a fun time meeting new people. Which is how I met JF.

JF and I met at his house one evening in our little college town. Blondie and I had been invited over by one of JF’s roommates and easily enough, they lived only a block from our apartment.

I remember sitting on the couch and meeting JF and easily bonding over a mutual like of angsty teen rock, think Taking Back Sunday. We ended up talking for the majority of the night, and with my better judgment in mind I did say goodnight and take myself home that evening; I am a lady after all. JF and I did exchange numbers and he said he would text me soon. Surprisingly, he did. If I recall correctly it only took him a day or two to get in touch with me.

The Double Edged Sword of Hope

I would be full of shit if I said getting over WK and moving on from the break up came easy. In fact, I was so incredibly miserable at first that even getting out of bed sounded unmanageable. It was the first time I have ever felt broken.

At the time I was living in my first apartment with one roommate. She was basically an angel for being able to put up with me. We could be sitting around watching TV and out of no where I was suddenly crying (which if anyone recalls, is something I don’t do often). I didn’t want to eat, simply because I didn’t have an appetite. I barely wanted to go out and do anything, and having to go to classes was an ordeal as well. It didn’t help that I had the constant nagging feeling that there was more to why this break up happened than I knew about. It also didn’t help that following the break up, WK and I did not cut all ties immediately. In the time after the break up, we still talked on the phone at least once a day, and texted each other all the time. Not healthy behavior for two people who just broke up. But this behavior and the pattern we fell into made me believe that we still had a chance to be together. Hell, I knew I was going to visit him on the east coast for spring break because he convinced me to not cancel my trip.

Quick recap, WK had told me that we were breaking up because “God didn’t want us together”.

My gut just told me there was more to it than that. Much like Olivia Pope, my gut is pretty much never wrong. Intuition and feeling is something that I generally feel pretty confident in trusting, some exceptions to this to come in future posts. The fact that I just knew something was off made accepting the break up that much harder. I began to obsess over what I did to cause this to happen, and then began to explore what I could do to be better.